Sleepless

I don’t sleep at night….

No. Instead I kind of just lay there motionless staring at the ceiling. What am I thinking about? I’m thinking about every place I would rather be other than here. I’m thinking about every mistake I’ve ever made. I’m thinking about tomorrow and if it will suck or not, but most of all, I’m thinking of how the HELL I’m going to get to sleep. 

I don’t sleep at night….

I’m thinking of her. If I didn’t lie and get dumped, would we still be together. Would it even matter? Would I still feel alone every day that I was with her? Would it have mattered that we argued pretty much every day? I don’t think I would be. Even before that day that I was thrown out, I was beginning to not even like her anymore let alone love her. I may still be alone, but at least I feel like I’m better off.

I don’t sleep at night….

I lay there and think of all these ideas that I have for my book that I STILL haven’t put on paper. So many character devolopments. So many new plots. I just can’t fix myself to wrote them down. It’s not like I’m doing anything else since I’m just lying awake most of the time. Maybe I need a new inspiration. Maybe I just need to get my ass up and write it down. At least it would give my insomnia a little more purpose.

I don’t sleep at night….

Where is my mind going this time? Italy? China? Outer Space? Sometimes it’s all of the above. My mind constantly wanders off. I can’t always just focus on one thing at a time. Sometimes though, my mind gets caught in a seemingly infinite loop of the same thought. Sometimes my mind gets so mixed up that I forget where I am, or even WHO I am. I just wish I could fucking sleep.

I don’t sleep at night….

Will I ever be able to? Will my thoughts and feelings ever shut up? Something has GOT to give. I’m so fucking tired of being exhausted all the time. I’m so fucking tired of flaking out on my friends because In always tired. I’m so fucking tired of being sick because of this. I’m just so fucking tired. Please…. just let me fucking sleep.

-Valken